coccsa
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.



 
HomeHome  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  
events in the planning include several cars shows, cruises (both ours and other clubs and organising groups) and also a Paintball Day down at monarto. The Next COCC cruise will be on the 1st of September, Please look for it in the Club Cruise section
The 2013 events calendar has been updated with a few new events, please have a look and let the committee know if you are interested

 

 FUNNY JOKES

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeWed 04 Nov 2009, 4:56 am

How to make a woman happy

It's not difficult ..

A man only needs to be:

1.. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9.. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A doctor
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42.. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked

2. Bring alcohol

3. Let him hold the Remote control
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeWed 04 Nov 2009, 5:53 am

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and has sex with her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom...

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...

Suddenly the father shouted....'S--t!!! I'll do the dishes!!!'
Back to top Go down
Pazz
Club Member
Pazz

Number of posts : 875
Age : 51
Location : Adelaide
Registration date : 2009-01-20

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeMon 04 Jan 2010, 1:31 pm

You've probably already seen the google earth street view by now. Found some stuffups that went unnoticed.

This one as you travel down the street a plastic bag is stuck on the camera and nobody noticed
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=492+old+steese+hwy+fairbanks&daddr=190+minnie+street+fairbanks&hl=en&geocode=&mra=ls&sll=64.849165,-147.709963&sspn=0.00078,0.002411&ie=UTF8&ll=64.84881,-147.705066&spn=0.006429,0.01929&z=16

you need to drag the orange man onto the blue marked on the streetto get to street view


the next one the camera hit a bridge, if you scroll backwards and forwards through the bridge you can see the damage to the camera

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=embed&hl=en&geocode=&q=483+Martindale+pittsburgh&sll=40.449607,-80.00834&sspn=0.001439,0.002411&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=483+Martindale+St,+Pittsburgh,+Allegheny,+Pennsylvania+15212&t=h&layer=c&cbll=40.44963,-80.008852&panoid=xTnRKWiZZ_vhdbsqPi7FwA&cbp=13,329.92,,0,5&ll=40.460662,-80.004845&spn=0.04604,0.077162&z=14


cheers
Back to top Go down
https://coccsa.forumotion.net/your-ride-f3/innav8-my-spot-for-upd
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: motivational posters   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeThu 11 Feb 2010, 3:07 am

FUNNY JOKES Cid_02BC1783EE3A46C1B67B2FF1D10B19B

FUNNY JOKES Cid_055464AFE6DE4364931D713A0936A67

FUNNY JOKES Cid_1A39ADFD6EF84B12B5C45F5A523BF1C

FUNNY JOKES Cid_1DFCDC782DE14989A27019636A81A24

FUNNY JOKES Cid_246E352AB8684E029F7EA38786D2A26

FUNNY JOKES Cid_2B7637185E3E4B519CFA807ED7191CB

FUNNY JOKES Cid_3B8B8AEEC81D498B995DD295DFE5CF4

FUNNY JOKES Cid_56F1A56A68024F23AF6F5C69CE904E4

FUNNY JOKES Cid_5965B1714C0C4A5B9A851CF86444626

FUNNY JOKES Cid_5A2B5456CB1643148C1A33EA6B40968

FUNNY JOKES Cid_78BE2E1FC96E465A8EDC01052C6D5D3

FUNNY JOKES Cid_806336C9652E431CBFB6C89BB4A650D

FUNNY JOKES Cid_82AC2DAE14704495B8DE65B92BBC8B4

FUNNY JOKES Cid_8795D07D01A549C58614F9781049B30

FUNNY JOKES Cid_9B46DAD744074B589F19854AD440F51

FUNNY JOKES Cid_A0E01F932971405CA5184F9AD13ACEE

FUNNY JOKES Cid_A356380FDCA14A7493CE5AFBAA36B6A

FUNNY JOKES Cid_A71261C4F5894DFEB360999F53291E3

FUNNY JOKES Cid_AEC9F8F437804F2FBA9EF3911026203

FUNNY JOKES Cid_B5BB823D69B445FE8A22E269CD337C8

FUNNY JOKES Cid_C389DDA68B694E0D885D172B3C9898F

FUNNY JOKES Cid_D4A12C314D9D4E88B5EF2A28A31CC05

FUNNY JOKES Cid_FC456A0F065F4A53B39B09102A4B521

FUNNY JOKES Cid_905E273E8DDA46FFA482EB46BC3B3C9

FUNNY JOKES Cid_D741A25DE42A4B5997767928647DD88

FUNNY JOKES Cid_E837C57D82664479BA6609BFD89717C

FUNNY JOKES Cid_F1CFBDDC75DB42FEBFE49490FCCD10E

FUNNY JOKES Cid_FC0714771427440DA625352A571C882


Last edited by AndyCapped on Thu 11 Feb 2010, 3:19 am; edited 4 times in total
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: original adverts from the 1930's   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeThu 11 Feb 2010, 3:10 am

FUNNY JOKES Camel

FUNNY JOKES Face

FUNNY JOKES Fag

FUNNY JOKES Girl

FUNNY JOKES Lard
Back to top Go down
in-debt
Club Member


Number of posts : 76
Registration date : 2009-02-07

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeFri 19 Mar 2010, 12:43 pm

Little suzy comes home from school one day and her dad asks her 'how was school today dear' in which suzy replies 'it was good, billy showed me his penis on the way home on the bus and it reminded me of a peanut' Why? because it was small? 'No, because it was salty!
Back to top Go down
Pazz
Club Member
Pazz

Number of posts : 875
Age : 51
Location : Adelaide
Registration date : 2009-01-20

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeThu 25 Mar 2010, 11:16 am

This has to be the best way to drive some one nuts...and the guy must have some seriously bizarre thought processes but it sure made me laugh



http://forums.justcommodores.com.au/jokes-humour/132041-permission-slip.html
Back to top Go down
https://coccsa.forumotion.net/your-ride-f3/innav8-my-spot-for-upd
godfather
Club Member
godfather

Number of posts : 54
Registration date : 2009-02-16

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeFri 26 Mar 2010, 6:18 am

DARYL, THIS IS GOD.
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Stick it up the vics !!!   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeWed 05 May 2010, 8:46 am

Beer Karma ....stickin it up the vics yet again !!!!

Here is the original Advert from victorian tourism (watch this one 1st)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaZbnWpm5aU

And here's West Ends reply !!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RwNM_XfXlI&feature=related
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Just scored a brand new ipad for 85 cents !!!!   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeFri 11 Jun 2010, 2:27 am

I am over the moon....just scored a brand new ipad for 85 cents !!!

FUNNY JOKES Ipad
Back to top Go down
JBVL
Club Member
JBVL

Number of posts : 343
Age : 35
Location : Whyalla
Registration date : 2009-02-28

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeWed 07 Jul 2010, 9:36 am

ford jokes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Found On Rubbish Dump
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fails On Rainy Days
Fails On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead
Failure Of Research & Development
Found On Road Deserted
Fast Only Running Downhill
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Ford Owners Recommend Datsun (Dodge)
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
For Off Road Death
Fords Only Run Downhill
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Forget Out Running Datsuns
For Old Retarded Drivers - Thanks to Andrew
****ed On Race Day - Thanks to James
Found On Rangi’s Drive - Thanks to Jamie
First On Recycle Day - Thanks to Troy Knight
Full Of Rusty Dents - Thanks to Jafo
Ford Owners Root Dogs - Thanks to Jafo
Found Outside Reject Depot - Thanks to Jafo
Flies Off Road Deliberately - Thanks to Jafo
Fish Out River Daily - Thanks to Jafo
****er Only Runs Downhill - Thanks to John Hamilton


Q: What does the GT stand for on a Ford?
A: Glued together!

Q: How come Ford makes tractors and Holden doesn’t?
A: Holden can’t get one to run that slow!

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford?
A: Put gas in it

Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road?
The other 2% made it home!!

Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road?
The other 2% made it home!!

Q: What do you call someone who buys a second hand ford?
A: Scrap Dealer


Keep out motorways clear, beautiful and user friendly.
So leave your Ford at home

Ford...At least they circled the problem.


A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I’ll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I’ll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I’ll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!"

Buy a Ford and you buy the ’best’. Drive a mile and walk the rest.
Back to top Go down
Pazz
Club Member
Pazz

Number of posts : 875
Age : 51
Location : Adelaide
Registration date : 2009-01-20

FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Got to love the English Language   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeThu 15 Jul 2010, 7:31 am

An ode of English Plurals

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
Back to top Go down
https://coccsa.forumotion.net/your-ride-f3/innav8-my-spot-for-upd
Guest
Guest



FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: What were they thinking ?????   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitimeFri 16 Jul 2010, 9:56 am

FUNNY JOKES Commode

FUNNY JOKES Jag
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




FUNNY JOKES Empty
PostSubject: Re: FUNNY JOKES   FUNNY JOKES Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
FUNNY JOKES
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Testicle Jokes
» Funny Camper Videos
» Funny looking corn
» Everything looks funny, or I need glasses.
» Chickens are funny!

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
coccsa :: GENERAL :: General Discussion-
Jump to: